until

Until
I can hold
All this in my hand, and
Not need someone to steady me
Until I can clearly enunciate
and stick to
Which meals I don't want off this menu
Until this train stops and lets me breathe
the Prairie air, fresh,
Flat lands all around
And I do not see desolation,
Only vistas
and horizons
Until then,
I will not find a way out of this velvet-strewn
chamber, and
all that i want will
remain a
dream.

I have knocked, rung,
Checked my dress,
Straightened my stockings,
Compared my attire
To the folks inside,
But the rosy glow through
The window
Doesn't reveal why you
Only wave
But don't open
the door.

lying snake

I stare out these
shuttered windows and you
don't see me
Can't hear my soundless screaming in this
Dark room
You walk by and
I am invisible, another part
of the scenery.
All of you pass, and sometimes stop,
Tap the glass, think
You know what I
Might be thinking,
Enjoy my antics.
Inside I am frantic,
Weeping for love lost,
Life without freedom,
Life without joy.
Another emo attraction in
this morbid zoo.

a visit home

And so, after touring on
Distant beaches,
Almost feeling the foreign sun
Kiss my skin, I
Crawl home and pull myself
Into your den,
Timid and
Tenuous, reluctant
To go back and yet
Warmed by the comfort
Of your familiar chest on my back,
Your arm's weight a
Gravity I've missed.

I know I can't stay here.
Let me sleep a minute more.

the cold

Today the hard sun tricked me
With his golden smile and I,
Beguiled, ran to his warmth
But found instead
A chill to the bones, a hard
Wind round my head.

Hopes of spring thus dashed,
I, spent, luxurious in
Disappointment and dread,
Sat and rested, against an
Oak, leafless, dead,

And wished for a blanket,
Thick and soft, a
Duvet filled with down,and
Bubble wrap, pulled round
To soundproof my rumbling
Heart and warm my cold, cold
Love, that,
Rejected by the sun,
Now lay in my belly,
Weighing a stationary tonne.

waves

Some days, a sophisticated
Stranger
Sneers at me in the mirror,
"Pathetic girl.

Romance is
Dead,
You killed it,
And there is no CPR now
That will bring you
Safe strong arms and
Flowers at work.

You leapt from that boat,
Drawn by the swell and call
Of the dangerous ocean,
So surf,
Or swim,
And stop complaining.

Or crawl to land and give up."

ferocious

The ferret explores by first
Filing what-is-food and
What-is-not-food, and
To this end, tastes
Everything
Bites everything,
Draws blood
Just to see.

Wise ferret.
Full moon, and now I
Explore,

Your fingers entwined in my hair,
Sharp teeth and
Fierce need, and
I submit
Again and
Again.

Master me.