africa, from a white girl

very, very preliminary draft of something I'm working on.


continent of spice, and tigers and mystery
what do I have to do with you?
My white ancestors smell of coal, turnips, seasalty fish, we
Are rumrunners, perhaps mountain folk,
Back far enough.

What have I to do with your sun and dark,
Your riches and rape, your depth and warmth and
Resilience?

I honour you, africa.

How did a continent writ over crossways with famine become
Nell-Carter Mother Africa--Mother Jones, Oprah,  Maya
All voluptuous round chocolate warm curves and strength and love and
Carrying on, carrying the weight, carrying.

Is this a stereotype television has fed me?
Well, duh.


You are rich riot orange-green-yellow-indigo-brown kente cloth,
Swathes, swaddled on waddling hips, with flashing smiles and turbaned hair,
A statement I cannot make, I, who wear blackbecauseitisslimming, as my people do.My people: those I see every day, most of them with that peculiar peachy pink hue we
call 'flesh', we caucasian-centric colour namers.


You are every shade of coffee and chocolate, and
I am milk.


i have never travelled your roads myself, but have
clutched the aura of strangeness that Mary Jane and Magan were
wrapped in on their return, sniffing it like a
strange perfume, like an infusion that restored breath.


They are richer for knowing you, while I am the child trying to
timidly touch Jesus' hem from the edge of the crowd.


Africa, it is your women who draw me, your ragged old-too-young rape
of warfare survivors, your grandmothers raising villages where a morality-fused
disease has decimated your children, and you,
You carry on. Carrying the weight, carrying.


I have studied your seedsavers, your co-operative
founders, your micro-credit mother groups. I
know that the challenges that could slay me are
breakfast in your world. I am soft. You
are strong.

The pretender child disavows his own mother from
Shame, and gets nearer to the mother he wants, to try
To become someone he's not.
I know who I am. I know my heritage, my worth, its worth.
But still, I wish
You were the aunt who visited every holiday and let me see you
Hair down, relaxed. I wish I had learned some of your spiced wisdom,
To complement mine.



Africa, I know my own community may lack
savannahs, lions, tigers, zebras, deserts and
there is no Sphinx, but
It too is full of your children.


Please help me, continent of ancient knowledge,
continent of origin,
Help me understand how to overcome my
ignorance, my lack of connection, my
inability to know how to what to when to say...
Help me embrace my honesty and meet you on my
doorstep,
Help me understand when I am ready
when I am worthy
what I can do.
What can I do.


Carry on. Carry the weight. Carry
you in my heart.

Summer and Love... what else do you write poems about?

Lying in the warm honeyed lazy bee buzzing afternoon
Entangled in gold, the sun and your hair
Combine to entrap me, tie me to this moment.

Chained to wanting to stay here and wanting more
Too drowsy with happiness and complacency to
Really make an effort to leave.

Not that I want to leave, I don't, this
Prison of warmth and velvet suits me just
Fine. I will rest here, and glow

Compete with the golden sun overhead and the
Amber wave of your embrace, tangled in blonde
And blue, blue eyes, and blue tinged mood.

Tumour

This is the dark tumour that lies inside,
Once it takes hold, it never
Dies.

It waits for the days to pile up enough
Working-late, fatigued-and-hormonal days
That it can grip and
Squeeze out
Joy

It takes you to a grey place
Where you seek your hurt cave,
Lie down to lick your wounds
Hide from others' eyes

Because they might see and pity or
Worse, not see that there's anything wrong
And then, it's just better to be alone.

That's what the dark tumour whispers
In your dreams, and in your moments of doubt,
Better to be alone
Easier not to care
Safer not to try.

And even though you know the thoughts are
Not yours, and not right, the hypnotic
Narcotic lethargic draw is such that
You agree.


I wave from my ice floe as it
Drifts away and you look
Very very small.

petit mort

Outside wind howls,
Midnight-restless,
Crow calls, dog barks
Sky dark, speckless,

And I, within, wearied,
Solemn, sore with
Battling up this hill
Want only to
Lay and rest
My head on my
Lover’s chest,
Sweet, warm,
Satin-safe and wood-secure
Held dark and still,
Gathered in though
Worms of cloud
Gather without,
His heart and mine till
Sun peeks out.

free bird

Playing with rhyme schemes. The meter doesn't scan yet.

One obsidian-pearl eye cocked to the sky,
Feral corvid waits to fly,
Whispers quiet memories to forward-nodding daisies
Watches to see if I'll run or cry.

Guardian of thought, in darkness sought
Attention is with crumbs bought
Stay awhile here with me
"Hello," my sole entreaty
Help me face these fears I've fought.

Do not depart -- stay, help me chart
How I allowed this thing to start,
For now with mine,
His love entwines,
And I fear that I will burst apart,

For my love, he is as wild as thee
And surely it will come to be
That this love cannot last
This thought from you is passed--
For boys, like crows, need liberty.

Avalon

So, I saw you outside the mall
All cool, smoking in your
Trench coat, long hair
Dark clotted on your cheek.
And I walked by,
Kept walking.

I know we don't speak here,
In the air and the light with the
Day people milling around.

But for a split second I felt your
Mouth biting my neck and my
Pulse quickened, nipples
Stiffened.

I didn't look up.
Neither did you.

turn the dial

I ride a web-winged dragon to the
high mountain perch from which you reign
And on clear moonlit nights we tryst by the crystal lake.

Turn the dial

I am the owner of inn to which
Your father brings you the night you are
To become a man, before you ride off to the hunt

Turn the dial

We've always been sitting here
Meditating on this electricity,
Humming the sacred chord and chained with kinetic joy

In  a thousand universes we have exploded together
Like supernova suns, found each other like
Guided missiles.

Has fate ever saved us
A happy ending?